If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
