I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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