wrigley field is MILF paradise
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
