If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need a hoe opinion
go on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
