This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
