The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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