My balls are so social today.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
