What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
