don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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