I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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