and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
