I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
