There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
