I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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