why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
