I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
