When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
