i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
