omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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