I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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