There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
