My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
