im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
They took my balls.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
