I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
