sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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