I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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