one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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