Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
