your room smells of hookers.
And success
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
