i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
