Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
