so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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