she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
