I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
