I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
