hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
