and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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