Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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