woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
