I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
