i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
