i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
