you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
