i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
