He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
