I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
