The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
