umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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