I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
