$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
