Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
