3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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