matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
